What Will They Think of Me?

Do you often find yourself trapped in a cycle of worrying about what others think? Is it even possible to control how people perceive you?

As human beings, we naturally seek appreciation and validation. However, when our self-worth becomes dependent on external approval, we risk losing our sense of inner stability. A constant need for validation often signals a deeper lack of self-trust. A.H. Almaas beautifully captures this idea:

"As long as you hold onto wanting something from the outside, you will be dissatisfied because there is a part of you that you are still not totally owning... How can you be complete and fulfilled if you believe that you cannot own this part [of yourself] until somebody else does something?"

To cultivate self-compassion and inner confidence, consider the following steps:

Step 1: Understand Your Craving for Validation
The roots of this need often lie in early life experiences—times when approval felt conditional, and rejection seemed unbearable. Ask yourself: What am I truly seeking? Is it reassurance, approval, or certainty? Identifying this deeper longing is the first step toward healing.

Step 2: Recognize Your Triggers
Pay attention to moments when you feel a strong urge for validation. Is it when you're making a difficult decision? When you wear something unconventional? Or when you express an opinion? Keeping a validation journal can be insightful—record instances where you sought reassurance and reflect on what you could have done differently.

Step 3: Cultivate Inner Confidence
Instead of looking outward for reassurance, practice self-validation. Before seeking approval, pause and ask yourself: What do I think? What do I want? Celebrate small wins, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Each independent decision strengthens your ability to trust yourself.

Step 4: Embrace Discomfort
Growth often requires sitting with uncertainty. The urge for validation is, at its core, an avoidance of discomfort. The next time you feel compelled to seek reassurance, delay reaching out for just ten minutes. Use this time to reflect: When did I stop trusting my own judgment? Remind yourself that you deserve the same empathy and reassurance you readily offer others. Your inner child longs for your compassion—give it freely.

Step 5: Redefine Validation
Rather than seeking approval, seek growth. Constructive feedback nurtures personal development, whereas constant approval feeds insecurity. Understand the difference between validation and connection—seeking support is healthy, but relying on external approval for self-worth is not.

It’s natural to appreciate validation, but it should never define your confidence. The more you trust yourself, the less you will depend on the ever-changing opinions of others. Step into your own power, take charge of your decisions, and watch your confidence flourish.

Author: Fatima Tahira

Integrative and Somatic Therapist

M.A, CI, IFS, MBACP